Judgement, Dreadlocks, Smart Cars and Solitude

Several months ago, I decided to dreadlock my hair.  I had been thinking about this for a long time- for me its a permanent change to my hair and I wanted to make sure it was right for me.  I have always been drawn to statues of Shiva with his beautiful dreadlocked hair holding the Moon and the sacred Ganga river in it.  I was uprepared for how much of a topic of conversation my hair would become, which is kind of ironic because that was part of my thinking that I no longer wanted to invest time in my hair- it feels like I have bigger fish to fry at this point in my life.  So many people wanted to know about the dreads and why I would want to do it.  Most people were just plain curious, but a few conversations were with people trying to convince me that I was making a decision that I would regret.  Even a few people who like dreadlocks told me that I was doing it the wrong way and that of course their way was the right way, which is again ironic because part of dread culture is freedom of expression.

I also recently purchased a Smart Car.  These cute, bitesized cars first took off in Europe and are just now becoming popular in the US.  I liked the idea of downsizing- physically and financially and of reducing my carbon footprint because my previous car was an SUV.  Again, my car has been a topic of conversation among friends and strangers.  Most people just smile when they see my car- its cute and fun.  One unsolicited conversation with a complete stranger at a gas station consisted of the well meaning ? stranger giving me a list of reasons why my car was unsafe and downright dangerous.  As he returned to the comfort and safety of his SUV, I'm sure he felt as though he had convinced me of the gravity of my mistake in purchasing my car and had educated me on the right way to choose a car.

Increasingly over the past 13 years of teaching Yoga, I have become quite a hermit.  I think because I spend almost every single day of my life teaching to groups, I have a profound need for more solitude.  I am highly creative and solitude, especially in nature, inspires me.  I have always viewed the solitary life of cloistered monks and nuns as romantic and my Guruji spent 40 years alone in a cottage high in the Himalayas meditating.  So, I have had a longtime love affair with and deep respect for solitude and my career dharma has only made that love more passionate.  I do love connecting with others, but I prefer to do so in very small groups, one on one is even better, because I find trying to communicate in a large group is very distracting and difficult.  Yet, many people just do not understand this need and longing to be alone and quiet.  Im sure the Buddha and Thoreau had people urging them to get out more- get out from under that tree already!  leave that pond for the love of God!  For many rishis- the path includes some time of isolation and quiet contemplation.  This is often difficult for the western mind to grasp.  And sometimes people are very vocal in urging me to get out more or to join this group or that group.

In all 3 instances, I could have either told people to mind their own business or to look at where I might be judging others.  I have a strong belief that whatever happens to us is a karmic response to what we are putting out- sowing and reaping.  Judgment is the labeling of something as right or wrong.  It sometimes includes in my case people telling me what is right or wrong for me.  I think I will choose to tell them to mind their own business AND to look at judgment in my own life.

Nonjudgmentalism  develops over time as the soul matures.  Nonjudgmentalism may be defined as tolerance for other's choices.  A step in the right direction is at least moving from this is right and this is wrong to this is wrong for me.  It changes the direction of the thinking from outward moving to inward moving and gets us to start thinking about ourselves and tuning into what we're feeling about what we're seeing.  Why is what I'm seeing bringing up judgment in me?  My husband and I met and married only 5 months later.  When we told our friends and family about our upcoming marriage, we found it interesting that the people who vocalized the most concern about our hasty marriage were people who were the most unhappy in their own marriages.  Often, when we judge it is indicative of an imbalance in our own lives in that area.

Wise Yogis pay attention when non tolerance bubbles to the surface in our thought patterns.  There is a fine line between judgment and discrimination and this is complicated further if one happens to be a Yoga teacher where our dharma is about helping others to be the best that they can be.  We need discrimination to choose the best words, actions, friends, foods, etc for ourselves and compassion helps us to not be so harsh or critical with ourselves.  When our discrimination spills over into labeling the actions of others as good or bad, I believe this requires even more mindfulness and compassion and perhaps restraint and patience to pause and consider whether our non tolerance of that person's actions is altruistic or serves some non positive, petty desire in ourselves.  The book Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism is all about how it is quite common for modern Yogis to use spiritual language in a desire to make a non positive action appear altruistic.  "I told her she was being a bitch to help her."  Again, a slippery slope, but not insurmountable fortunately.  Tolerance, patience, compassion, awareness and clarity of vision all develop over time with a regular practice.  "Practice and all is coming."